[PSL] time travel, time travel

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Martin had always known that Lukas would kill him in the end. If not along the way, then surely at the end, once he'd gotten what he wanted out of Martin, whatever that turned out to be. When the Lonely rose up to swallow him, he'd accepted his impending death with ... what?

What did he have left, really? Numbness, mostly. A hallucination of Jon in the Lonely, looking for him, but - but that was impossible, ridiculous. His mind playing cruel tricks. He settled himself down in the frigid surf, knees drawn up close to his chest, unshed tears frozen to his cheeks and lashes.

And then. A door. A door that shouldn't exist, that couldn't exist. That he shouldn't take at all. The Lonely was terrible, yes, but it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Martin was aligned enough with it by now to very nearly enjoy it, in a strange and terrible way. The Spiral would be infinitely worse than this quiet beach.

But ... it was hope, too. In a strange way. Hope enough that Martin found himself turning the door handle and stepping through, leaving the false comfort of the Lonely behind him.

The transition was unpleasant. Long. But Martin couldn't remember it after; he only remembered stumbling out through the door of a supply closet somewhere deep in the Archives, blinking up at the dim bulbs that pretended to be sufficient. What time was it? Had he escaped? Where were Lukas and Elias now?

And where was Jon? ]

Comments

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Ah. That's -

The usual objections rise up, of course, threatening to spill out of his mouth. But he's already seen how much it hurts Jon for him to say it out loud. Or turn away not accepting it.

Instead, he just ... covers his mouth for a moment. A small flush settling in his cheeks. ]

Sorry. Sorry, I just - it's been months with Peter breathing down my neck, and -

[ Muffled, through his fingers. ]

I'm so glad you care about me, Jon.

[eyediot]

...I don't know much about Peter, or the. The Lonely beyond what you've told me.

But if it works in any way similar to the Institute and the Eye... He was doing that intentionally. And no amount of prolonged contact like that means it's true.

[Even if Martin can't see his face, there's the sound of a quiet, shaky exhale. He is a grown man who knows how to handle his own feelings and being rebuffed after sharing them.]

Someone would have to be an idiot to not care.

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Sorry, Jon. An apology is likely coming from Algric, anyway, once he figures out how. ]

Y... yes. Yes, it's.

[ Another deep breath. ]

You're not an idiot. I'm - I want you to care, Jon. More than anyone else in the world.

[eyediot]

[Slow, deep breath but. Still not looking at him, still with his back to him.]

I know. I'm... an idiot for not realizing it for so long.

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[ A slow, uncertain blink. ]

Not realising what?

[eyediot]

...How you feel.

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How I -

[ That's. Fairly blatant? It's incredibly blatant, and yet. He's been wrong about Jon knowing before.

So he flushes dimly under the fog in his face, bowing his head. ]

How. How do you think I feel--?

[eyediot]

[Jon turns his head just enough that he can see Algric from the corner of his eye through his disheveled hair.]

'The man I love'?

[eyediot]

'In love with a moron"?

[eyediot]

'Never changed how I felt about you'?

4/4

[eyediot]

God, I am a moron.

[And he lays his head back down.]

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Oh. Oh god.

Algric makes a strangled little noise. That's what he gets for assuming that Jon would be too thick to get it forever, that he could just hint out in the open like that and assume Jon would think it's his nonexistent partner-- ]

S-sorry - sorry, I'm sorry, I -

[eyediot]

There's nothing to apologize for.

[Except like. Turning him away the two seconds he let himself be vulnerable, but yknow. That's on Jon, really. His own fault for trying.]

...Like I said. I understand.

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[ Algric just puts his head in his hands. (It doesn't do much good; he can see through his fingers.) ]

U-understand what? That - that I'm still desperately in love with you?

[eyediot]

Well. Yes.

But. [UGH why is he the emotionally constipated hedgehog here.]

It. It doesn't really matter. You just... [Hurt him. He raises one hand to gesture vaguely. That whole previous bit of conversation.] You know.

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[ Oh. Oh. Finally something sinks in. Jon had been - what? Not confessing, no, but baring his soul? ]

Oh god, Jon, I - I didn't mean -

[ The words come tumbling out miserably. ]

I-I didn't mean to push you away. That's not - not what I want.

[eyediot]

['I care about you' is about as close as Jon gets to confessing anything at this point in time. Something goes tight and sharp in his chest, short of breath for just a moment.

His words come out sounding a bit forced, a little deflated.] It's all right.

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[ And Algric is still messing this up somehow, isn't he? He can't tell how, but it's obvious enough in Jon's tone, and - god. He's so stupid. So stupid. ]

N-no it's not all right! I hurt you! I -

[ The stress is getting to him by now and he knows it, but he presses on anyway. ]

I want you to care about me. I - I'm still in love with you.

[eyediot]

Algric...

I-i don't. Even really know what you see in me.

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[ Algric makes a dimly incredulous noise. ]

R-really? Do you want a list...?

[eyediot]

I'm not really in a position to stop you.

[Really, Jon's not much good for anything at the moment except to lay here and be miserable.]

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[ Poor, poor Jon. Algric waits a moment to see if that was sarcasm. Then he begins to talk again, one word tumbling out over the next. ]

You're - you're incredibly kind. You reached out to me in all those small ways even when you hated me? Like - like the lunches you shared when you realised I was living off of ramen. O-or offering me the room in the panic room. You probably thought it was nothing, but that just makes you better, not worse. That you're so incredibly kind that acting that way seems the most natural thing in the world. You've always tried to protect us, even if it hurts you.

[ A deep breath. ]

And - and past that. You're so bright and passionate. N-not always in way I agree with, but that doesn't matter? E-even when you're being incredibly stupid, it's still beautiful. It. It lights you up from within. I can't help but be drawn to it.

[eyediot]

[That's too many compliments. That's too many words. Algric shouldn't be saying that many nice things about him. He listens. Wants to rebuff all of them. He was just... being basically decent for most of what Algric's describing.... Has Martin just not been shown that much kindness? So much that basic kindness is that magnanimous?]

...Algric. That was .. [He doesn't exactly want to turn that right back around on him. But...]

...That's too much.

[curriculum_fictae]

Well - well I don't care!

[ His clear hands ball into clear fists. ]

Whether you believe me or not, whether you think it's true about yourself or not - that's what you are to me, Jon. And you can't change my feelings.

[eyediot]

...Even me thinking you were a murderer wasn't enough to steer you otherwise.

[Sighs. God. This whole thing is a mess.]

...Thank you. For all of that.