Martin K(nife) Blackwood (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
curriculum_fictae) wrote2020-06-16 06:15 pm
curriculum_fictae) wrote2020-06-16 06:15 pm
[PSL] time travel, time travel
[ Martin had always known that Lukas would kill him in the end. If not along the way, then surely at the end, once he'd gotten what he wanted out of Martin, whatever that turned out to be. When the Lonely rose up to swallow him, he'd accepted his impending death with ... what?
What did he have left, really? Numbness, mostly. A hallucination of Jon in the Lonely, looking for him, but - but that was impossible, ridiculous. His mind playing cruel tricks. He settled himself down in the frigid surf, knees drawn up close to his chest, unshed tears frozen to his cheeks and lashes.
And then. A door. A door that shouldn't exist, that couldn't exist. That he shouldn't take at all. The Lonely was terrible, yes, but it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Martin was aligned enough with it by now to very nearly enjoy it, in a strange and terrible way. The Spiral would be infinitely worse than this quiet beach.
But ... it was hope, too. In a strange way. Hope enough that Martin found himself turning the door handle and stepping through, leaving the false comfort of the Lonely behind him.
The transition was unpleasant. Long. But Martin couldn't remember it after; he only remembered stumbling out through the door of a supply closet somewhere deep in the Archives, blinking up at the dim bulbs that pretended to be sufficient. What time was it? Had he escaped? Where were Lukas and Elias now?
And where was Jon? ]
What did he have left, really? Numbness, mostly. A hallucination of Jon in the Lonely, looking for him, but - but that was impossible, ridiculous. His mind playing cruel tricks. He settled himself down in the frigid surf, knees drawn up close to his chest, unshed tears frozen to his cheeks and lashes.
And then. A door. A door that shouldn't exist, that couldn't exist. That he shouldn't take at all. The Lonely was terrible, yes, but it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Martin was aligned enough with it by now to very nearly enjoy it, in a strange and terrible way. The Spiral would be infinitely worse than this quiet beach.
But ... it was hope, too. In a strange way. Hope enough that Martin found himself turning the door handle and stepping through, leaving the false comfort of the Lonely behind him.
The transition was unpleasant. Long. But Martin couldn't remember it after; he only remembered stumbling out through the door of a supply closet somewhere deep in the Archives, blinking up at the dim bulbs that pretended to be sufficient. What time was it? Had he escaped? Where were Lukas and Elias now?
And where was Jon? ]
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Really, you three should actually talk, negotiate and if Martin's really in the no, only hard monogamy for me. Thennnnn that's a different conversation.
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[ He shivers a little. ]
I ... I guess I should get those sunglasses, then.
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Break down this... whatever it is. [AND BOY IT IS SOMETHING.]
I mean, when else are you ever going to meet someone who absolutely understands without explanation like that?
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But counterpoint. Apply same statement I just made to in bed.
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... It's not none.
[There were times when Fisher's self absorbed melodrama WAS the only thing going on in Research.
But by god the man was probably as useless in the sack as he was at work.]
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Three, Tim. All of them ended miserably. I - I have no idea what I want, and he has even less of one.
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Yeah. Yeah he would. Without a question, actually.
Shame the man's in a mess so hot it would ignite a dead star. THAT doesn't need complication.
He just sighs.]
Okay, if you try to tell me you don't even have porn preferences, I'm going to call fucking bullshit.
[One of the two people here has a WAY higher comfort level for these conversations.]
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He lets out a distressed noise and puts his head in his hands. ]
Why are we talking about this.
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Tim, however, shows mercy, giving a companionable out.]
Because I am an excellent friend.
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[ Algric just shakes his head a little. ]
Besides, it’s Jon. Sexual experience won’t be helpful. And I am not having sex with - with my younger self. I cannot believe I had to say that out loud.
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Ace, huh? Sure, not for putting to practice, but security sure does help. [With... any relationship, actually.]
Anyway. I'm still going to side on the "shame about that" side of things. But at least you absolutely know the answer to the oldest philosophical question of all time, "Yeah, but would you?" in a way no other person does.
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Fine! Fine, yes. I know precisely the kind of mess I am because I lived through it. That doesn’t mean I know how to - to unmess it. If I did, I’d be a much more well-adjusted person.
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— And. What. Shame about what?
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...There was no other question.
Dammit.]
There's a whole lot of shame about that.
[Nailed it.]
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About. What.
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You want to know?
[It is, if nothing else, dead serious after that burst of exasperation.]
It's a shame you've only been treated like shit? [It's pitched as if he can't even believe why this needs to be said out loud.] It's a shame that's internalized so bad you just assume you'd be terrible in bed even with yourself.
[Except now, in the soft, cloudlike disconnect of the pain medications, he... well, he's going now.]
It's a shame you're neck deep in - [What did Jon call it? Teenage romance? Something like that. SURE CAN'T USE THAT HERE. The act of thinking about the wording completely derails him though. He ends up just leaving it off on a vague gesture.]
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He has to gulp back the sharp words that Tim doesn’t deserve to have levied at him. But the conflict is clear enough on his face, as is the wound that Tim has accidentally come too close to reopening. Only the fact that they’ve already had an argument once today saves Algric from opening his mouth and saying something he will regret. ]
Or what? What’s the alternative? That - that someone else would actually do more than take pity on me?
[ Some acid leaks out anyway, but he at least deflects it from landing directly on Tim. ]
God. Sometimes I think - I think Jon is just safe. I mean, you’ve already asked the question multiple times. Why him. How could it possibly be him. Clearly, anyone with better options would choose differently.
[ Except Algric - and Martin - wouldn’t choose differently given “better” options, of course. And even saying that, his tone softens into fondness. God he loves Jon so much, flaws and all. ]
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But it's the honest warmth that comes up as the subject shifts to Jon that... Tim just swallows it down, steps what's... probably just his pride aside. For as many doubt as Algric has, it's hard not to see a man in love.]
Yeah, maybe. But, there he is, an absolute disaster of a man, who has finally noticed. Don't just... not take it up.
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... Also set boundaries because he's an bleeding moron. As a friend, I'm just saying.
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Between him, myself, and another me. If my younger self even wants me in the picture and - and honestly? I wouldn’t.
[ A deep breath. ]
But maybe. Maybe we’ll figure something out.
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Are you sure?
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