[PSL] time travel, time travel
Jun. 16th, 2020 06:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
curriculum_fictae[ Martin had always known that Lukas would kill him in the end. If not along the way, then surely at the end, once he'd gotten what he wanted out of Martin, whatever that turned out to be. When the Lonely rose up to swallow him, he'd accepted his impending death with ... what?
What did he have left, really? Numbness, mostly. A hallucination of Jon in the Lonely, looking for him, but - but that was impossible, ridiculous. His mind playing cruel tricks. He settled himself down in the frigid surf, knees drawn up close to his chest, unshed tears frozen to his cheeks and lashes.
And then. A door. A door that shouldn't exist, that couldn't exist. That he shouldn't take at all. The Lonely was terrible, yes, but it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Martin was aligned enough with it by now to very nearly enjoy it, in a strange and terrible way. The Spiral would be infinitely worse than this quiet beach.
But ... it was hope, too. In a strange way. Hope enough that Martin found himself turning the door handle and stepping through, leaving the false comfort of the Lonely behind him.
The transition was unpleasant. Long. But Martin couldn't remember it after; he only remembered stumbling out through the door of a supply closet somewhere deep in the Archives, blinking up at the dim bulbs that pretended to be sufficient. What time was it? Had he escaped? Where were Lukas and Elias now?
And where was Jon? ]
What did he have left, really? Numbness, mostly. A hallucination of Jon in the Lonely, looking for him, but - but that was impossible, ridiculous. His mind playing cruel tricks. He settled himself down in the frigid surf, knees drawn up close to his chest, unshed tears frozen to his cheeks and lashes.
And then. A door. A door that shouldn't exist, that couldn't exist. That he shouldn't take at all. The Lonely was terrible, yes, but it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Martin was aligned enough with it by now to very nearly enjoy it, in a strange and terrible way. The Spiral would be infinitely worse than this quiet beach.
But ... it was hope, too. In a strange way. Hope enough that Martin found himself turning the door handle and stepping through, leaving the false comfort of the Lonely behind him.
The transition was unpleasant. Long. But Martin couldn't remember it after; he only remembered stumbling out through the door of a supply closet somewhere deep in the Archives, blinking up at the dim bulbs that pretended to be sufficient. What time was it? Had he escaped? Where were Lukas and Elias now?
And where was Jon? ]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-12 08:32 am (UTC)But he also knows Tim will breathe down his neck if he doesn't try to make this right. And he can guess the expression Algric will give him if it comes out that he didn't try. He doesn't want to deal with either of those prospects.
Once the nurse leaves, Jon presses his lips tightly before heaving a sigh. Eyes back to Martin, just... tired. That's all they are anymore: tired.]
May I start over?
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Date: 2020-08-12 08:34 am (UTC)...I'll always listen when you have something to say.
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Date: 2020-08-12 08:41 am (UTC)When I realized... How you felt. About me. I asked for some advice from Tim. I'm. I already said I'm not good at this, you've seen I'm not good at this. Tim suggested I just.... let you know that I... know. That's all.
[Deep breath, rubbing his palm against his eye - that Compulsion still an irritant grain behind his sight. Will be until he makes a statement about what happened.]
Things have... obviously escalated. And as they have, I realized I... don't. Want anything to happen to you. Because I'm fond.
[Beat. He looks directly at Martin now, but. It's hard. Being open like this is hard.]
Of you. And I just-- [It's clear that's about as much heart-pouring as he's good at, voice picking up a bit now.] I wanted to let you know that part as well and that I want the chance to figure it out but then you got mad, and started yelling and...
I'm sorry. It may've been better that I hadn't said anything.
what is writing can i eat it
Date: 2020-08-12 09:07 am (UTC)color doesn't come back to his fingers, but if pressed, Martin would have said that he didn't realize the edges of his hands had been becoming blurry until they became a bit more solid again after Jon's latest attempt at clarity.
he takes one deep, slow breathe to gather himself before trying a response of his own.]
No, I'm... W-we took the long way around, but we're getting somewhere, and I think. I'm glad. That you're. Y-you're trying and you've said something.
[fond. of you.
at last, there's the beginning of a happy pink in Martin's cheeks, and he's even smiling slightly.]
Dunno what this means. Going forward.
[he chews on his lip, looking guiltily at Jon.]
I'm sorry for yelling. I know you were trying r-really hard.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-12 06:21 pm (UTC)Thank you. I'm... Not entirely sure what this means or looks like going forward either.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-14 02:00 am (UTC)...Sorry.
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Date: 2020-08-14 02:02 am (UTC)[And he means that. Even if he isn't sure where to go but...]
...I'm also sorry if I make a mess of things while we figure all this out.
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Date: 2020-08-14 02:09 am (UTC)Martin rubs the back of his neck, grimacing]
To be honest, I don't think either of us is great at this sort of thing, so...
["us" doesn't ring of something romantic, but rather reminds Martin of something.]
--Wait, what about him?
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Date: 2020-08-14 02:15 am (UTC)[Jon blinks up at him, trying to think through the haze that's settling in on him.
....Oh.]
I, um. I'm. [Oh boy this is even more awkward. He... really really hopes this doesn't backfire.]
So. I. Understand if this is... Strange, but I... feel the same about him? It's... Yeah. It's the same.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-14 02:32 am (UTC)[such a quiet, small syllable. with a hint of polite surprise.
on some level, he really does mean it when he smiles for Jon. on another level, he's entirely aware of how brittle it feels.]
Right. Yeah, no, of course, that makes sense.
[Martin draws in a long, shuddering inhale that rattles his throat and lungs, not having any idea that his legs are quickly fading from view as he rests his now clenched fists on his knees.
he manages a quiet, shaky laugh.]
Of course it makes sense. That's... It's really n-nice, actually. Very affirming.
[it could be affirming. it should be. but it isn't. an echo starts attaching itself to the sound of Martin's voice, as if he's the only person standing in a huge cathedral.]
If he's why you're figuring this out, then... Then I'm glad.
[the edges of Martin are blurring so quickly that it's like his pigment is being spread thin by droplets of water.]
I hope...
[is this hell?]
I hope you're happy...
[Martin's voice trails off into nothingness. because just as the thought solidifies that he wishes he could just disappear,
he's gone.
leaving nothing but a little fog and icy chill.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-14 02:35 am (UTC)[The tone in his voice sounds... Wrong.
Jon watches him carefully, sees him starting to fade as he talks.]
Wait-- Martin--
[He tries to reach for him, but... As soon as he can even move ... Martin's gone. He's alone, and cold.]
No..