[PSL] time travel, time travel

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Martin had always known that Lukas would kill him in the end. If not along the way, then surely at the end, once he'd gotten what he wanted out of Martin, whatever that turned out to be. When the Lonely rose up to swallow him, he'd accepted his impending death with ... what?

What did he have left, really? Numbness, mostly. A hallucination of Jon in the Lonely, looking for him, but - but that was impossible, ridiculous. His mind playing cruel tricks. He settled himself down in the frigid surf, knees drawn up close to his chest, unshed tears frozen to his cheeks and lashes.

And then. A door. A door that shouldn't exist, that couldn't exist. That he shouldn't take at all. The Lonely was terrible, yes, but it was quiet, and it was peaceful. Martin was aligned enough with it by now to very nearly enjoy it, in a strange and terrible way. The Spiral would be infinitely worse than this quiet beach.

But ... it was hope, too. In a strange way. Hope enough that Martin found himself turning the door handle and stepping through, leaving the false comfort of the Lonely behind him.

The transition was unpleasant. Long. But Martin couldn't remember it after; he only remembered stumbling out through the door of a supply closet somewhere deep in the Archives, blinking up at the dim bulbs that pretended to be sufficient. What time was it? Had he escaped? Where were Lukas and Elias now?

And where was Jon? ]

Comments

[curriculum_fictae]

B-but you feel it anyway. I know. It's - it's awful. I know disgusting it feels.

[ That ... brings him down a notch, at least, making his shoulders go slack. ]

I'm sorry. I - I don't know how to make it better.

[secreteary]

I don't either! That's...the worst part!

[a long, tension relieving exhale. at the end of it, he almost looks defeated.]

I'm just. Stuck. Being the arsehole.

[curriculum_fictae]

You're not, though. You - you really aren't. I'd be just as jealous if - if Jon were doing this with you.

[secreteary]

[ugly thoughts start floating up, and Martin has to forcibly push them away.]

So, what? Are we going to caught in some... Some stupid cycle every time he spends time with one of us?

[curriculum_fictae]

Unless we - we figure ourselves out? Yes. It seems like it.

[secreteary]

[muttered darkly:]

Great. I'll just book a therapist who can handle talk about fear powers and time travel as well as self-loathing.

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Algric glares just a little bit. ]

W-well I'm sorry for not dying like I'd originally planned.

[secreteary]

[oh. OH.

WHAT THE FUCK.]

You what?

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Algric freezes at that, realising too late that he probably should not have said that? And had not said it to Martin yet. It's still sort of an open question here, even if he's now seeing how much pain it woud cause Jon and Tim (and even himself).

Deflecting won't work, he thinks. So he just turns away instead. ]

After - after this is all over? That was the original plan. O-of course it was. What else could I do?

[secreteary]

Not...that?

[a weak response. it can't even be called an argument.

Martin's heart races a little at the idea. of all the ways to step out of this situation...

but then...if he was in Algric's place. if he was out of his own time, disrupting their lives in so many ways...

would he see another option?]

...You're proof that I'd. Think the same.

[not helping. but he's probably the last person who could convince Algric to do otherwise. there's only one thing he can think of to try:]

Jon would be so hurt.

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Algric is indeed proof that he wouldn't see another option. Not as he'd originally come to this timeline, miserable and alone and on the verge of death by Lonely, thinking Jon is dead. He would sooner die than disrupt their lives this badly.

And every time eh continues to disrupt Martin's, he thinks about it again. Just a little. ]

I - I know. I've ... come to realise that.

[ His voice drops. ]

It's ... selfish, but I'd prefer not to. To leave after. So that means - that means I have to figure out how to not take your place.

[secreteary]

[for a painful moment, Martin has no idea what to say.]

Somehow I doubt that we're going to figure that out on our own. As- As much as I don't want to trouble the other any more than I already have.

[curriculum_fictae]

... Yeah. I - I think you're right. We're not very good at accepting ourselves, are we?

[secreteary]

The worst, actually.

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Algric manages a weak laugh. ]

I'm sorry. We - we didn't deserve this.

[secreteary]

[Algric gets rewarded with a small, wry smile.]

Which part?

[curriculum_fictae]

All of it, honestly...? But. The time travel twin ghost thing in particular.

[secreteary]

[a half-hearted shrug.]

You didn't ask for it any more than I did.

[curriculum_fictae]

No. No, not really. I - had no idea where that door would take me.

[secreteary]

Anywhere is better than there.

[curriculum_fictae]

... Yes. With - with Jon dead, and nothing but the Lonely left ...

[secreteary]

I get it. I do.

[he shivers.]

Especially after Peter Lukas.

[curriculum_fictae]

[ He nods. ]

You understand then. It - it's insidious. Even when you're not in it, it - it fills in all the cracks in your being. Making them wider until you're more flaw than person.

[secreteary]

I hadn't really. Thought of it that way. Tried not to... To think about it much at all, really.

[after another shudder, Martin lowers his head a little and rubs his left arm.]

But that might explain yesterday.

[curriculum_fictae]

[ Algric looks down at the still damp spots in Martin's room. ]

Mmm. That seems about right. I - had episodes like this too, especially later in. By the end I just cleared off a spot on my bed that wasn't completely frozen and just ... laid down where I could.